Update on Baby #2 - 12 Weeks, 3 Days

How far along?  12 weeks, 3 days. (12 weeks with Ella)

Total weight gain/loss? +1-2lbs. My weight has fluctuated between 134 and 135 since finding out I am pregnant. I started out at 133, which is 2lbs less than I started out at with Ella.

Maternity clothes?  Not even close yet. At this point with Ella, I was in a mix of maternity and regular clothing all ready. I'm still fitting into my clothes quite comfortably, and all of my bottoms fit over my thighs and hips (not the case at 12 weeks with Ella!) and button/zip easily. Woohoo!

Stretch marks? Nothing.

Sleep?  I caught a nasty summer cold when we got home from Minnesota last month. I've been up every.single.night. for four weeks coughing my blasted lungs out. The last two nights, I've only been awake for a few minutes at a time coughing, but I'm still trying to catch up on sleep and feel "normal" again after four weeks of sleeplessness.

Best moment last week month? (I'm changing this from week to month, because I plan on only doing these once monthly). I can't pick just one: visiting my family in Minnesota, listing our house for sale, accepting an offer on our house, putting an offer in on a new house, having that offer accepted, my first appointment with my amazing and wonderful midwife, first ultrasound, Mother's Day.

Movement?  Nothing yet.

Symptoms?  Nothing. Nothing! If it weren't for the belly, I wouldn't believe I am pregnant. Total opposite of my pregnancy with Ella! {Ooooh ... could it be a boy?!}

Food cravings?  Can't get enough protein. That's about it, though.

Gender? We will find out on Birth Day. Oh, yes, we are doing that again. Mumble, mumble, groan. I know, we're so torturous!

Labor signs? None.

Belly button in/out? In, but all ready getting flat. Eeesh!

What I miss: Nothing yet.

What I am looking forward to: Escrow closing on both houses - I'm a ball of stress right now!

Milestones: Leaving the first trimester ... all ready?! Everyone is right - the second pregnancy is flying by!

EDD: 12/3/13 

Hoping for a baby who stays in longer than 37 weeks this time! My midwife doesn't believe we'll have a December baby, though, so it should be interesting!

On Extended Breastfeeding and Weaning - Part II

By this point, my toddler was nursing three times per day: upon waking in the morning, before nap time in the afternoon, and before bedtime in the evening. I decided to cut out the "easiest" nursing session for her (the most difficult for me) first: the morning session.

It came down to breaking the routine: she awakes, I get her from her crib, bring her back to bed with me, she nurses, we both fall back to sleep for 30-60 minutes. Instead, when she woke up, I got her from her crib, said our good mornings, and went straight to the kitchen for some breakfast. There was definitely some asking and whining those first few mornings, but she quickly forgot all about nursing once she had food in front of her face.

Day 3 was absolutely the worst - of every week. 

Total meltdown. Kicking. Screaming. Tantruming.

After one week of our new routine, she didn't even ask about nursing in the morning - it became a thing of the past. 

Next to go was the nap time session. She used nursing as a crutch to fall asleep quickly and I knew this would be a bit tougher. It helped that I was traveling for work that week, so we would be in a hotel room (routine all ready broken) and I would be gone all day long and for naps. She would have to go down for a nap with Daddy and no nursing. We returned home on the fourth day and she wanted to nurse for nap time. Instead, I left the house and let the nanny put her down for her nap. By the next day, she was upset, but not crying. I did have to stand by her crib and help her fall asleep by resting my hand on her back, but she didn't ask to nurse - not once. By day seven, we were golden. (Note: I still have to help her fall asleep a bit for nap time, but it is getting less and less as the days go on).

The final and hardest session to extinct was before bedtime. Our normal nightly routine was: walk, dinner, bath, jammies, story time, nurse, bed. I didn't want to change our nightly routine too much, as it worked really well for us as a family and Ella thrives on routine. It was getting to the point that I would be drying her off after her bath and she would be screaming for "boo" (her word for nursing), thrashing around, and just flipping out because she knew that it was coming soon and she wanted it NOW. 

It just so happens that we would, once again, be out of town during the week that I was going to wean her from her last nursing session. We were going to visit my family in Minnesota, so we would all ready be out of our 'normal' routine - which helped! The first night she was so tired from all day travel, that we skipped our walk, went straight to dinner, skipped the bath, put on jammies, and went straight to bed. She was so tired she didn't even ask to nurse. The second night was similar - skipped the walk (it was freezing, literally, outside), had dinner, a shower, jammies, and then to bed with Daddy. She fussed for a little bit with him, but eventually fell asleep on top of him. I should note that she slept with us in our bed while we were in Minnesota, so that probably helped a lot that she had someone to snuggle with and stay asleep on all night.

The third night was a bit rougher - Mr. Lukie took her upstairs for bed and she screamed and cried for Mama - but never for "boo". I went up there, laid with them until she fell asleep, and then snuck back downstairs to hang with my mama. By the fourth (and final) night in Minnesota, she went to sleep without a fuss. And things continued to progress once we got home. We went back to our old routine of walk, dinner, bath, jammies, story time, and then replaced nursing with rocking in the glider. She did ask to nurse a few times here and there over the next few weeks, but I would smile and say, "Silly goose! Boo is all gone, remember? You're a big girl now and big girls don't have boo!" and she would just smile and laugh along with me.

We are now one month into being fully weaned and can I just tell you how AMAZING it is? My girl snuggles me for no other reason than because she wants to snuggle. Not ulterior motive of wanting to nurse. Our relationship has changed so, so much, and for the better! I feel like she sees me as her Mama now, and not just a pair of breasts. I am able to comfort her by rocking, rubbing her back, playing with her hair, or just snuggling. I don't have to nurse her to get her to calm down or to relax anymore. Between the natural process of becoming a toddler and growing up a little bit and finding our own groove, we've got this comfort thing down, sans nursing. 

I thought I would miss nursing her. The truth is, I don't. We had a good, long run of 19 months of nursing. As I mentioned before, I never, ever, ever anticipated nursing her for that long. Not ever. So the fact is, we had our time and it was lovely. And I think we are both all the better for it.

Part I can be found here.

On Extended Breastfeeding and Weaning - Part I

I've always known I would breastfeed my babies. Sort of like I've always known I wouldn't choose to birth in a hospital; it is one of those things I never really even put much thought into. It just ... was.

I didn't always know, however, that I would partake in "extended breastfeeding", or in simpler terms, that I would ever nurse a toddler. A toddler who could walk, talk, and had her own name (and song and dance - oh, yes!) for my breasts and for nursing. I planned on nursing for at least 6 months, then I would reevaluate. At 6 months, I planned on 12 months, max. And at 12 months, well ...

I shared the sentiment of many people out there - maybe even you - that if the kid is walking and/or can ask for it, they are way too old to be getting it. Yes, I was a perfect parent once. And then I became a parent.

Ahhh, perspective and insight. 

What I wasn't able to understand then is that even with a walking and talking toddler, she was (and is!) still such a baby. She might be doing "big girl" things, but she still needs her Mama for so, so much. Nursing, for my toddler, became a source of reconnection after a long or particularly busy day. It became a source of comfort. Nurturing. Downtime. It was clearly no longer a source of nourishment - no, my little garbage disposal had been scarfing down everything we ate since she was 10 months old - I was not disillusioned to think that she needed to nurse, nutritionally. I had tried to wean her a few times before, but she simply wasn't ready. It was a horrific process and one that I didn't have the energy to see through to the end.

I've received several comments from well-meaning friends and acquaintances. Calling me "SuperMom" for nursing so long.

The reality is, "SuperMom" is inaccurate. "LazyMom" is more like it.

Weaning a toddler who still wasn't sleeping through the night? Not exactly SuperMom status. SuperMom's babies sleep through the night at 6 weeks old. I kid. Sorta. Anyway, I was tired. Sleep deprived. 17 months of sleep deprivation will do crazy things to a person. I was not going to fight the battle of weaning while I was also fighting the battle of sleep. That is CrazyMom status.

Miraculously, at 17 months on the dot, my toddler started sleeping through the night. Nothing changed in our routine. No sleep training. Just ... my toddler finally decided she enjoyed sleeping more than she enjoyed waking and ... she slept. I got my first taste of sleep in 17 months. Seven.Teen.Months. That is a long freaking time to go without adequate sleep. I think this is when I was finally able to start thinking clearly, without everything being one jarbled mess.

I had been done nursing for months. I was over it. It was no longer a mutually beneficial relationship. It felt completely one-sided and I felt used every time I nursed her. I felt like our entire relationship revolved around my breasts and whether she could or could not convince me she needed to nurse. Exhausting. And super frustrating. 

I had no idea how to wean her. I Googled and read article after article, forum after forum - everyone has the perfect advice, and everyone's advice is totally different. Sigh. "Go cold turkey! They'll cry, but they'll figure it out eventually!" "It will be harder on you than it is on them - just do it!" 

Those articles and forum posts weren't for me. 

"Cut out one feeding per week and you can gently wean them. It won't be easy, but there will be minimal tears. Day three of each week will be the hardest, and once you make it past that point, you're smooth sailing." 

Perfect! That? I can do!

How I weaned my nursing-obsessed toddler in 3 weeks, with little to no tears - to be continued.

8 Weeks. We Think ...

I won't be doing one of these each week, like I did with Ella - I simply don't have the time (or, is it bad to admit, desire?) that I did with her.

 

 

 

How far along?  8 weeks, 1 day. We think. (8 weeks with Ella)

Total weight gain/loss? +2lbs

Maternity clothes?  No. At this point with Ella, I was very uncomfortable in my regular clothes. I'm still fitting into my clothes quite comfortably, which I'm very happy about. I also had gained about 7lbs with her at this point as well ...

Stretch marks? Nothing.

Sleep?  I've been plagued by the first trimester insomnia. I don't remember experiencing this with Ella, but, my blog and pregnancy journal say otherwise.

Best moment last week? Mr. Lukie having 4 days off in the middle of the week.

Movement?  Nothing yet.

Symptoms?  Honestly? Not much. The insomnia at night, which isn't too terrible, most of the time. I only feel nauseous if I've gone too long between meals. And I'm not really any more tired than I am from working full time and chasing a toddler around all day. Dare I say it, I feel fantastic!

Food cravings?  Had a hankering for fresh squeezed orange juice the other night before bed. Mr. Lukie hooked it up.

Gender? We will find out on Birth Day. Oh, yes, we are doing that again. Mumble, mumble, groan. I know, we're so torturous!

Labor signs? None.

Belly button in/out? In.

What I miss: Nothing yet.

What I am looking forward to: My first doctor appointment on May 3rd. I'd like to see this baby and get an idea of when I'm due and how far along I actually am. As of now, everything is purely a guess - and not even an educated one at that!

Milestones: 2 months pregnant.

On Becoming A Family of Four

If you missed it in my last blog post, our family of three is becoming a family of four! Ella is going to be a big sister!

This is how we told Mr. Lukie when he got home from work one morning.

As I did previously, following up my pregnancy announcement with Ella, I thought I'd answer the same questions. The answers are sure to be quite different this time around.

1. How long were you trying to conceive, before you actually...conceived?

**We ... weren't! Baby Lukie 2.0 is as much a surprise to us as it is to you!

2. Was this time longer or shorter than you anticipated?

**Since we decided we would discuss the possibility of adding to our family when Ella turned 2 (::coughcough:: that would have been six months from now ::coughcough::), we hadn't anticipated this at all.

3. Were you using any special "methods" to assist with conception? 

**Not even close!

4. What made you decide to take a pregnancy test? (symptoms, missed period, impatient, etc)

**I was in Boulder for work and wasn't feeling quite right - insomnia, headaches, lightheadedness. I chalked it up to elevation. We got home and I noticed a horrible smell in our bedroom. I commented on it to Mr. Lukie and he looked at me like I was nuts, "WHAT smell? I don't smell anything." I told him to walk out of the room and then back in and he would definitely smell it. Nope. Nothing. That is when it hit me that I might want to take a pregnancy test the next morning - but Mr. Lukie was oblivious and I surely didn't mention a word about it to him!
 

5. How many pregnancy tests did you take this go-round? How many were negative, how many were positive?

**Last time, I apparently took 5. Ha! I only took 2 this time - one of the cheapy dollar store tests I had left over from Ella, and a digital that I went out and bought. The cheapy showed a very, very faint line and I just wanted to be sure before I could start to wrap my head around another baby.

6. What was your initial reaction when you saw your BFP?

**Shock. Disbelief. And then I was a ball of nerves. This baby was a complete surprise (a very, very welcome one!) so I was nervous to tell Mr. Lukie! It sounds so silly now, but it all made perfect sense to me then.

7. Who is the first person you told about your BFP?

**A girlfriend. Mr. Lukie was at work and would be for a 48-hour shift. There is no way I could have called or text him to tell him the news. But I had to tell someone!

8. When & how did you tell your spouse? How did he react?

**See photo at the top of this post. Ella wore a "Big Sis" shirt and I wore a tank top that I spent way too many hours making. I used stencils and painted the numbers 1-40 on the tank top. Then, I crossed off the numbers 1-4 (since I was guessing that I was about 4 weeks pregnant). When Mr. Lukie came home from work, Ella and I greeted him in the garage, as we always do. 

He picked Ella up and was giving her hugs and kisses when he saw my shirt. "1, 2, 3, 4 ... 40 ... is this a countdown until my 40th birthday?" (he turns 40 in July). I laughed and told him no. He kept trying to figure it out and finally, I told him to read Ella's shirt. He read it, his eyes got wide, he got tears in his eyes, and with a look of disbelief, he said, "Stop it! You're joking, right?" then he looked at his watch and said, "What day is today? Is it April Fools?"

9. How far along were you when you received your BFP?

**I'm still not really sure. 4 or 5 weeks, maybe? We aren't sure how far along I am yet and won't know until May 3rd. ::sigh:: For now, I'm going to say I was 4 weeks, 1 day pregnant when I found out.

10. How far along were you when you made your "official" pregnancy announcement? Why did you choose this time period? 

**We followed pretty true to suit from last time and told just a few days after finding out. As I said in my previous questionnaire:

We know it is unconventional to make the announcement so early on, due to the risk of miscarriage, etc.. And while we both realize that miscarriage is certainly a possibility for me still, we are of the mindset that, God forbid I miscarry, we will want and need all the support we can get from our families and friends--it is news we would have shared one way or another. We are also of the mindset that the more people we have keeping us & Baby Lukie in prayer, the better. Plus--we're not sure how anyone is able to keep this kind of news a secret for 12 whole weeks!! ;)

11. Have you told your parents yet? If so, how did you spread the good news to them? 

**Yes. I told my mom, dad, brother, and grandpa via picture text. Mr. Lukie told his mom by calling her and letting her know that she was going to be a grandma again.

12. What are your symptoms (if any) now, and how far along are you?

**Absolute opposite of last pregnancy. The only time I feel nauseous is if I wait too long between meals to eat. I'm exhausted and ready for bed by 8pm, but that isn't too far off from the norm. No bloating or heartburn or indigestion. All of my clothes are still fitting, and comfortably so. Still not positive how far along I really am, but we'll say 6 weeks, 1 day.

13. Have you been to the doctor yet? If so, how was your first prenatal appointment?

**Yes. Since "things" are not back to "regular" since having Ella, they had me come in to try and date the pregnancy. They did a pregnancy test in office, as well as bloodwork, because nothing was showing up on the ultrasound. Apparently, your HCG levels need to be 2000 or higher in order to see anything in the uterus via ultrasound. My HCG levels were only 930 (indicative of a very early pregnancy). So, I had to go in for bloodwork 48 hours later to ensure that my numbers had doubled (which would indicate a viable pregnancy, as opposed to a chemical pregnancy). 48 hours later, my numbers were 4131. 

So, while we've not yet seen the baby on ultrasound, I am definitely pregnant and we'll see what the ultrasound tells us on May 3rd. 

14. Inklings as to boy or girl? Single baby or multiple babies? 

**Boy. And, please, Lord, let there just be one in there!

15. Will you be finding out the sex of the baby?

**Nope. We're going to annoy and frustrate all of our friends and family (again). We loved not finding out until Ella was born whether she was a boy or girl, and we can't imagine doing it any other way this time!

16. Do you have any nicknames you've created already for the baby?

**Mr. Lukie has been calling baby "Baby Lukie 2.0" or just "2.0", so I'm sure one or both of those will stick. We'll see.

17. How have you changed your lifestyle (ie: eating habits, exercise routine, etc)?

**Aside from eating a TON more protein (I can't seem to get enough!), I haven't done much changing of the lifestyle. Last time, I had completely cut caffeine at this point, but this time, I haven't. I still enjoy a small cup of hot tea most mornings. I'm still eating Paleo (clean, organic, grain-free, dairy-free, and processed-free foods, as I have been for the past several years).

I'm still following the CrossFit Football programming, but have dropped my weights from maxes to just whatever feels good that day. I had one doozy of a workout when I was doing heavy back squats and felt like I was going to pass out. That was enough to convince me that my heavy, max weight lifting days are over and I'm trying to be okay with that.

18. What books (if any) are you already reading & loving?

**Haha. Nothing! Last time, I read book after book after book. This time, I don't have any plans of picking a single book up!

19. Are you showing yet? What about clothing--maternity, or regular?

**Nope. Still in all of my regular clothes. I really don't have any desire to get into maternity clothes any time soon, but I know that is just around the corner for me, if I carry anything like I did with Ella. I was out of my pre-pregnancy jeans almost immediately. My hips and thighs really, really enjoy pregnancy.

20. Have you purchased anything for Baby yet?

**Nope! I did see a few adorable fire engine outfits at Target yesterday. I wanted to get them so badly, but refrained from doing so.

Here is my 6 week photo from Instagram (mrslukie):

Closer to Two Than One!

Ella Grace is 18 months old! (Well, she's 18 months, 2 weeks, but better late than never!)

Without further ado, Ella's 18-month update:

Ella, in Boulder, CO on her 18-month birthday

At 18 months old, Ella is:

-21lbs (ish)
-30 inches (ish)
-wearing 12-18 month, 18 month, and some 18-24 month clothes
-cloth diapered exclusively (though when we travel, we use disposables, and she's in a size 3)
-still nursing (but we are down to two feedings per day - more info to come later)
-running
-talking in 2-3 word sentences ("I sit", "Ninny bye-bye tuck", "Baby ni-ni shhhh!", "Mama iiiiiiight back")
-has 12 teeth (4 in front, 4 on bottom, and each of her 4 first year molars)
-sleeping through the night (!!!!!), usually 7:30pm-6am
-feeds herself with toddler-sized utensils
-building a vocabulary of 100+ words (people often think I'm exaggerating when it comes to Ella's vocabulary/speech, but she was a late crawler, late walker, and very early talker - spend a few hours with us and your mind will be blown)

It's okay to be envious. Her eyelashes are to die for!

Ella's favorite toys are:

-playhouse in the backyard
-baby doll
-coloring book and crayons (as she calls them, "colors")
-books
-foam blocks 
-our dog, Bunker

Ella is a pure joy to me! She is so much fun and is constantly amazing us with her sense of humor and her knowledge of the world around her. She is bright, charming, sweet, empathetic, and perfect. We spend the majority of our time reading books, coloring, playing outside either in her playhouse in the backyard or at the park. Ella and I are able to communicate via sign language and/or words, which is awesome. She understands 95% of what I say to her and she can clearly tell me what it is she wants - to eat, to drink, to wear, to do, etc..

And, what would any blog post be without photos of my TODDLER?

Bob Harper, me, and Ella in Boulder, CO. One of the many perks of my job!

Dyeing Easter eggs the week before Easter. Ella LOVED it!

Being such a big helper and feeding a friends baby.

Ella's 1st Easter Egg Hunt!

Her chunky little legs get me every time. I could eat them up!

Our little family of four. 

 

 

Did you catch the caption in that last photo? There is more than one reason this blog post is titled "Closer to Two Than One!" Ella is going to be a big sister! More to come in another post :)

Sleep, Mime Ow, and God's Sense of Humor

 

This week has been a trying week, to say the least. I think Ella is doing her very best to ensure that she is an only child. I can't think of any other reason she would possibly be wearing my patience down by 11am, or have me groveling for sugar and caffeine (after kicking both habits one month ago), unless it was to guarantee her spot as the eldest - and only - child in this house.

Let's talk about sleep for a moment, shall we? She's never been a good sleeper. You know those people who tell you that their 10 week old is sleeping through the night? Yeah, we weren't one of them. Our 16-month old is still not sleeping through the night. And if you are one of those people I mentioned, no need to comment and remind me that there are, in fact, babies out there who actually sleep. We've had moments of decent sleep. As in, a handful of nights where she's only woken once, or woken at 4am, nursed, and gone back to sleep until 6 or 6:30am. But, more often than not, we're up two, sometimes three times per night ... yes, even at 16-months old. And we've never, ever, not once, had a full 11 or 12 hours straight of sleep without a wake up somewhere in there. The bags under my eyes have taken up permanent residence and I don't know that they would go away even if my kid decided one day to start sleeping through the night. Lately? Lately it's been going to bed at 7:30pm (after about an hour of fighting her to sleep), waking up once between 10pm and 12am, waking up again between 3 and 4am, then up for the day at 6am. Sometimes, she goes back down easily. Sometimes, there is lots of screaming and crying in protest. One thing is for certain: my child is consistently inconsistent.

 

And discipline. Ohhhh my discipline! Who knew that discipline started so young? I mean, really. We implemented "Time Out" this week. Or, as Ella will tell you, it's called, "Mime Ow". And every time we walk past the Time Out Corner, she points and says, "Nnnnno mime ow!" To say that she isn't a fan of Time Out is putting it lightly. But to say that Time Out has worked insanely effectively in a short period of time is the truth. I'm all for gentle parenting and natural consequences. The hippie in me likes the way those things sound. The realist in me simply does not have the time, nor the patience, to allow my child to continue to eat crayons, throw food on the floor, or crawl out both doggie doors and into the backyard in five seconds flat, leaving me to run around the house like a crazy person, screaming her name and imagining that someone snuck into my house, stole her, and she was long gone. {Though, I will be the first to admit that is both a nightmare and a fantasy, at times}.

I'm raising Miss Independent. Who can also be called Miss Too Smart For Her Britches. So I realize that all of these hard-headed, stubborn traits I'm up against will be really good ... when she's older. But for now, they stink. And they test my patience and make me question my ability as a mama. And they also make me do a whole heck of a lot of praying and repenting. Oh, Lord, is this child giving me a run for my money. When I relay stories to my mom about our daily struggles, she laughs. She tells me that Ella sounds exactly like another little girl that she used to know.

When Mr. Lukie told me that I gave birth to my clone, he wasn't joking. The worst part is, I know these are the easy times. Because I remember what I was like during those adolescent years toward my mom. Just one more reason I believe God has a sense of humor.

The Dilemma - SAHM vs WAHM

It seems that I'm faced with this dilemma every few months or so. The dilemma, of course, is self-imposed. But it's a dilemma nonetheless: 

Do I continue working full-time (I work from home) or do I quit my job and be a wife and mama?

I'm fortunate enough to have a legitimate, full-time, work-from-home job. Pre-Ella, I loved my job. I think, deep down, I do still love my job. I just ... love Ella and love spending time with Ella more than I love my job, so it's hard to see it as still loving my job. If that makes any sense?

I'm fortunate enough to get paid very well for what I do. I'm fortunate enough to have flexible hours. As in, I make my own schedule and work whenever I want to work, as long as I get my 40+ hours in each week. I'm also fortunate enough to have a husband with an amazing schedule (ha! I say that right now - I'm sure you'll hear me complain about his schedule at some point soon) who is able to be home and take care of Ella while I'm in the home office, working. On the days that Mr. Lukie is at work (usually 10-12 days/month), Ella has a nanny who comes to the house and plays with her so that I can get five solid hours of work done. 

It sounds like the ideal job for a mama with a little one. It's why I dropped the Nursing School path and accepted the job in the first place - we knew we wanted to start a family - and it afforded me the opportunity to contribute to the family, financially, as well as be at home with my baby(ies).

But now? Now I just feel like I'm barely staying afloat. I'm a mediocre wife, a mediocre mama, and a mediocre friend. Yet - I'm a stellar employee. It's just not right. It's not fair to my family that I give everything to the company, and they get whatever is left over. The only way my house stays clean and my dirty clothes don't pile up is because I pay someone to take care of that for me every week. Do you know how much I hate having someone else clean my house and do my laundry? Okay, maybe I don't hate it - it's nice! I'm blessed to be able to do so! - but, if it meant being a stellar wife and a stellar mama, if I cleaned my own house and did my own laundry? Call me Molly Maid.

I know I have what many consider a dream job. But my calling is to my family, and I feel a pull in that direction more and more with every passing month. I don't want to look back ten years from now and wish that I had spent more time with Ella when she was little. I've learned the hard way already that babies don't keep; I can't imagine how quickly toddlerhood is going to fly by. 

I have the option to quit. Our livelihood does not depend on my income. It helps, and it's certainly nice, but thanks to Dave Ramsey and paying off our debt over three years ago, it's not necessary that I contribute financially. 

So, tonight is another night where I am staring at the video monitor, watching my baby toddler sleep peacefully in her crib. It's another night where I'm sitting behind the computer monitor, eating dinner and working away. Another night of facing this dilemma that seems to hang over me constantly these days.

It's time to make a decision, but I'm scared. I'm just waiting for a sign ...

It's Good To Be Back

Oh, hello quiet little blog! I started to feign astonishment at not having been here for the past nine months, but the truth is, I have been completely aware of my neglect to writing. I've actually neglected a lot of things in the last nine months. Well, really, in the last 15 months: working out consistently, sleep, spending time with friends, spending time in the Word, and my health.

Out of necessity and a tugging at my heart strings, I decided to delete my Facebook page on Friday. I'm aware that it is blasphemy or something these days, to delete your Facebook page. But it felt so good! And with the time that I wasted spent on Facebook, I can probably work out consistently, catch up on some ZZZ's, hang out with a friend, open my Bible every once in awhile, and take care of myself. Seriously, guys. It was that bad. 

So, here I am. I won't even begin to try and catch you up on the happenings of the last nine months in a wordy post. But I'll give you the highlights via bulletpoints and photos. Yes? Yes.

April 2012

• Mr. Lukie and I celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary 
• Ella turned 7 months old

May 2012

• Celebrated my first Mother's Day with a baby outside the womb
• Ella turned 8 months old

• Ella started ISR (Infant Swim Rescue) Lessons

June 2012

• Celebrated Ella being "out" for as long as she was "in" (37 weeks, 1 day)

• Celebrated Mr. Lukie's first Father's Day with a baby he could hold
• Ella turned 9 months old

July 2012

• Made a trip to my hometown to see family and friends (okay, to show Ella off)
• Ella turned 10 months old

• Ella's first trip to the Fire Station 

• Celebrated Mr. Lukie's birthday (his last one in that decade!)

August 2012

•  Went to Big Sky, Montana for a work trip, but brought the family and turned it into a mini-vacay
• Ella turned 11 months old

September 2012

• Celebrated a decade-marker birthday of my own
• Spent my birthday week in Mammoth Lakes (a sweet surprise from Mr. Lukie)
• Ella turned the big ONE!

October 2012

• Nada. Mr. Lukie was only home about 7 or 8 days this month due to lots of overtime at the station, so Ella and I just laid low

November 2012

• First family vacation! To Kauai we went, for one luxurious week

December 2012

• Took Ella to see a production of "The Grinch"

• Celebrated Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at home (no fire station dinner this year!) Oh! And we (Ella and I) got a surprise in the form of a puppy for Christmas. A Staffordshire Bull Terrier named Bunker (as in, Firefighter bunker gear).

• Mr. Lukie received a temporary promotion to Captain
• Fell asleep on the couch by 9pm on NYE 

I think that about sums it up for now. In the three days I've been without Facebook, I've written this blog, caught up with a friend, worked out three days in a row, read my daily devotions, and spent more quality time with Ella and Mr. Lukie. I'd say it was a good decision. 

And just so you know -- I've been reading everyones blogs from my phone, every day. It's just really difficult to comment from a phone, but I know about your new babies, your babies on the way, engagements, and all of the other amazing new things happening!

It's good to be back.

Half A Year!

::taptap::

Anyone out there?


{echo...echo...echo...}


I may be writing to myself these days, but I haven't done a very good job of documenting my baby girl on this blog (though I HAVE been documenting, daily, in her baby book!) so I felt the need to at least touch on this big, gigantic, bittersweet milestone:


My baby girl is 6 months old! Half a year! 183 days old! {Well, on March 21st she was...}

I'm not sure how it happened, really. These days of motherhood are long, but the weeks and months fly by. I know that doesn't make any sense, but I also know that the other mama's out there will know exactly what I'm talking about.


At 6 months old, Ella is:


-12lbs 12oz
-24.5 inches
-wearing 3-6 month and some 6 month clothes
-cloth diapered exclusively (though she's been known to be in a 'sposie if I'm being lazy and haven't stuffed her diapers...and if so, she's in a size 2)
-exclusively breastfed
-rolling over
-practicing sitting up
-teething, and has been since she was 3 months old...but no teeth!
-still not sleeping through the night, and wakes up to 3 or so times to eat
-sleeping in her crib in her own room
-starting to drink out of a sippy cup
-chomping on her tootsies during diaper changes


Ella's favorite toys are:


-Jump-A-Roo
-Sophie the Giraffe
-Cold teething toys
-Colored, plastic links
-Baby Einstein Take Along Tunes


We are following the Baby Led Weaning approach to introducing solids. So far, she's grabbed some avocado, butternut squash and sweet potato off of our plates and eaten it. She tries to eat (or drink) everything that we are eating and drinking. We're trying to hold off on her eating any solids for at least another month or so, but if she happens to swipe food off of our plate, we let her have it and I put sweet potatoes on her Bumbo tray the other day and let her play with them. They ended up all over her face, in her nose and ears...everywhere! Some even made it into her mouth, but not much.


All in all, life with this little girl is nothing short of amazing. I continue to believe that having Ella...being a mama...is the hardest, most beautiful thing I've ever done. She is a very happy baby and always seems to be smiling. She's quite a different baby today than she was just a few months ago, when we were battling horrific GERD, which then kept her up all hours of the night and caused her quite a bit of pain. We seem to be outgrowing that, slowly, which we are so thankful for!


I'll leave you with some photos of my favorite girl in the world...

Ella is a Daddy's Girl through and through. I absolutely LOVE it!

A Saturday morning at Starbucks with my Bean (pre chopping
of my long locks) 

Every single time we take her for a diaper change, she immediately
grabs her foot and shoves it into her mouth. We crack up every time!

Playing with sweet potatoes. 

I love her sweet disposition.