Wednesday, March 4, 2009

My Wedding & My Brother

I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do. Matt, my brother has been on a slow decline since, well...okay, for the last 7 years, I guess. Basically, since my mom moved to Minnesota when he was a senior in high school. That's when he started drinking and smoking weed. That's when his grades started slipping and he started hanging out with the wrong crowd. And that's when our relationship started to suffer.

I don't talk about my brother much because, as much as I love him because he's my brother, I am disappointed in him. And, as embarrassed as I am to say it, I'm...embarrassed of him. How could two siblings, born of the same genes, raised in the same home by the same mom & dad be so incredibly, undeniably different?

My brother and I are both very intelligent. We both were always in GATE classes and always scored in the top of the class, on honor roll, and were always teachers favorites. I've always been a motivated self-starter. I've always been very independent and it's taken a lot of work on my part over the past 2 years to learn how to ask for and accept help from others because I'm so set on doing things on my own. I moved out at 17, 2 hours away from home, to start my first year of college. While my friends were partying and having fun, I was working to support myself. I put myself through school. It may have taken me 6 years to do it, but I did it. I'm sure if I had asked my dad for help, he would have helped me financially, but it was a challenge, almost a rush, to do it on my own.

Matt barely graduated his senior year. Drastic difference between senior year and the previous 3 years. Instead of working, he relied on my mom and dad for everything. He's dependent on others for everything, including happiness. He started dating Erika a few years ago. The two of them together are the perfect recipe for disaster. As individuals, they're okay. Together? Terrible combination. They bring out the worst in one another. They are incredibly co-dependent. Erika is 22 and will not get her driver's license. My brother drives her to work, picks her up from work, drives her to go out with her friends, picks her up when she's done hanging out with her friends. He lacks motivation and drive to better himself, to better his life. So does she. They're like a cancer, feeding off of one another, growing and getting worse by the day. They're on the verge of filing bankruptcy, because they spend their money on weed, alcohol and fast food. His car was repossessed a few months ago and he's now driving a beater that only runs half the time. They live in a dingy apartment in Minnesota, but are trying to move back to California. Because they have a friend who will let them stay with her and her boyfriend. Did I mention this 'friend' is a wild, well-known party girl in town? Into drugs big time. Her parents were killed in a car accident when she was 10 or so and that has shaped her. I've watched her go from being the sweetest little 10 year old to a girl that I am so, so embarrassed and saddened for.

Guess Matt & I would be the perfect case study for the Nurture vs Nature debate.

Regardless, I love my brother. He's my brother and he's the only one I've got. But today? Right now? Right now I have no idea what to do. I'm being incredibly calm about the ordeal, but I'm afraid it's the calm before the storm.

I got the following 2 text messages from my brother this afternoon:







Absolutely, totally, 100% unacceptable.

1 comment:

  1. wow - Sarah I'm so sorry, that sucks. I also have a super selfish brother and know the heartache and sadness it can cause. I would be honest with your brother about what this means to you and the irreparable damage it will have on your relationship if he doesn't make the effort - then its his choice. I'm so sorry!

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