Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Oh, Horoscope.

My horoscope for today:

You may become rather nostalgic, Sarah, as you look through old photo albums, rearrange dishes and furniture, and remember what life was like "way back when." More than likely, your mind will touch on very emotional subjects that you may not have fully dealt with at the time that they were happening. Old feelings that you thought were gone are welling up to the surface, and may bring tears to your eyes. Honestly face these feelings now instead of stuffing them back down inside you for another ten or twenty years.

Which brings me to last nights conversation with Matt. He was pulling up a photo on his computer to show to his roommate. He opened up iPhoto, and there was a picture of a girl. I've seen this picture before when he's opened iPhoto, but never put two and two together...but last night, I saw the album name that contains that photo. "Birthday 2007." Ah. Yes. This would be the infamous ex-girlfriend. The ex-girlfriend who he went back to after he and I dated during Part I. Ugh.

I asked him to delete the photo of her. He had told me months ago that he deleted his pictures of her and of the two of them. That he had thrown cards/letters away from her. Then I see this picture and it just kinda made me sick to my stomach. Bleh.

After bringing it up to him, he asked me why it bothered me, and reminded me that I haven't deleted my pictures of Josh and pictures of the two of us. And he's right. I haven't. I've got 6 years of pictures on my computer. This equates to hundreds. I've never been ready to delete them. Those are 6 years worth of memories. Practically everywhere I went, everything I did was with him. I feel like I'm deleting 6 years of my life. I've also not thrown away any of the cards and letters from him. Again, 6 years worth.

Last night, lying in bed next to Matt, that's when I realized I hadn't been ready to toss those memories. I decided that as I start packing over the next few weeks to move into Matt's place, it's time to toss those photos. Toss the scrapbooks. Toss the cards and letters and mementos. I have no need for them, anymore. I have the memories in my head and if I ever need those again, they'll be there. I have no need for these tangible items, linking me to a past that I've moved on from. I know, some of you may feel that I shouldn't feel the need to get rid of this stuff...but I want to. I'm ready.

Finally.

3 comments:

  1. While I think its fine to get rid of mementos I don't think all scrap books and pictures should be tossed. That was a huge part of your life! I'm not, and haven't gotten rid of my albums with Brad. I don't look at them but that was 10 long years of my life.

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  2. Did I miss the blog about you moving in to Matt's?!? We still never saw pics of your apartment, you know... ;)

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  3. Yeah ... I hate that part. After a break up, once I'm over it and everything, I often don't want to get rid of pictures. It has nothing to do with wanting to remember the guy, I just want the pictures of me going to cool places and doing fun things! Sometimes I wish I had thought to take more pictures of just me doing thing like climbing Mt. Whitney (just for example).

    It's just like you said -- you do so many things together, it'd like deleting that many years of your life.

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