Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Love & Respect

You don't start eating sensibly and exercising regularly at 65 years old in order to live a longer, healthier life. Right? Right.

Then why wouldn't you start a marriage off utilizing all tools available to you to strengthen and solidify the bond and relationship you already have with your spouse? I've always been a huge fan of pre-marital counseling. It helps to bring up issues that one may not feel comfortable discussing with their significant other, or doesn't know how to bring up with them. Or, brings up things that neither person has thought of.

I've been in therapy. I haven't been in several years, but I've gone. And I've had a bittersweet taste in my mouth about it. I love the insight I've gained, the soul searching I've done, the questions I've answered, the issues I've dealt with (even when I said, "Who? Me? I don't have issues...") and the indescribable bond and respect I have for my therapists. I hate the inner battle I feel during a session, the soul searching that leads to ending relationships, the questions I've answered that weren't the answers I was looking for, realizing that I do, in fact, have issues (we all do!) and the annoyance and bitterness I feel for my therapist as they ask me pressing questions and force me to investigate things that I want nothing to do with.

In essence, you could say that I have a love-hate relationship with therapy. Mostly love, because, of course, all of the hatred I feel works itself out in the end for the better anyway.

Matt and I have our first "pre-marital" marital counseling session tomorrow afternoon. We chose a Marriage & Family Therapist who has a Christian background--attended a Bible school and his therapy is faith-based. I've never been to a male therapist. And I've certainly never been to a therapist with a faith-based approach. I'm excited. And nervous.

We began reading "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs last night. I've heard about this book & the conferences/seminars he puts on over the past year or so. I've always been intrigued about the concept, but never delved much further into it. Until Matt brought the book home the other day after I expressed my concern to him about our differing communication styles. I've spent A LOT of time on the website over the past few days and am feeling very confident and excited about the style and teachings of this book. So excited and confident that I signed us up for the Love and Respect Conference in San Diego in September.

The premise of this teaching is based on scripture from Ephesians 5:33. Essentially (I am *totally* paraphrasing here), it states that women must respect their husbands and men must love their wives. Not that women must respect their husbands addiction to pornography or acts of adultery, but that women must respect the spirit, the soul, of their husband. And not that men must love their wives addition to bulemia or acts of adultery, but that men must love the spirit, the soul, of their wife. It's a difficult concept to explain and one that is definitely difficult to identify with, but as followers of Christ, Matt and I are looking forward to strengthening our marriage and opening up our lines of communication further.

And since you don't start eating sensibly and excersing regularly at age 65 in order to live a longer, healthier life, then why in the world would we not start our marriage off by learning how to more effectively communicate and gain a better understanding of one another?

I am so incredibly excited to begin this new adventure with my husband. I can only imagine what we will be blessed with along the way. And I couldn't think of a single soul who I'd rather go through this life changing experience with than Matt.

1 comment:

  1. Sarah, I am so incredibly happy for you! Honestly, look at your posts for like 2 years ago, to now. How much you've changed and how happy you are! You deserve this girl!


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