Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Ephesians 5:33

"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." -Ephesians 5:33

This verse (well, Ephesians 5:22-33, really) has had such a profound impact on mine and Mr. Lukie's relationship. We just finished reading "Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs," by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. We are attending his conference (based on the Love & Respect book) next weekend here in San Diego. We are ECSTATIC about this! It has truly turned our relationship around...and we had a fantastic relationship to start with. We went from having a "great" relationship to having a "better" and "stronger" relationship, because of the teachings in this book. So, so simple--yet so, so hard to practice.

The basis is this: ultimately, a woman wants and needs to be loved. A man wants and needs to be respected. When a woman feels unloved, she acts out (gets on the "crazy cycle") and will either give her husband the silent treatment, pick a fight, throw a tantrum/pity party, name call, etc. When a man feels disrespected, he does not show his wife the love she needs and desires. Thus, the "crazy cycle" continues to spin. She doesn't feel loved, he doesn't feel respected and on and on.

Anyway, this is a huge part of our relationship. I have the utmost respect for my husband, at all times. Even when I feel that he is not deserving of respect, I still respect him. Because, as his wife, that is my role. And his role, as my husband is to show me (through actions, words, body language) that I am loved.

SO. This brings me to my next point.

I updated my status on FB yesterday to, "I have the best husband, ever." I truly, 100% feel that way. That's not to say that there will be days I don't feel that way, because, well, the reality is that we allll feel that way from time to time. But yesterday, I was just feeling especially in love with Mr. Lukie, feeling very proud of him, very loved, very worthy. That man has captured my heart like no one else ever has.

One of the fire wives commented on my update "Just wait 3 months....JK!" And that? That bothered me. Sure, she was 'kidding' (though I know her very well, and I know that there is, what she feels to be, some truth behind her words).

Don't get me wrong...sometimes, I don't know what I would do without the other fire wives. They're family and they, of all people (women especially), understand what it's like to be married to a fireman. When other women are chastizing for backing out on plans because your hubby just got home from a Strike Team for the past 2 weeks, they're the ones that totally understand, and urge you to stay home and spend some time with him.

But. On other occasions, I have a hard time learning how to be and act with them. It seems that most of them complain about their husbands, their marriages, their sex lives. There is a complete and utter lack of disrespect for these men in their lives. And I don't know how to deal with it. I don't have anything to complain about. Of course I know Mr. Lukie isn't perfect, but I think he is the majority of the time. I don't have the perfect marriage, but I think it's pretty perfect, more often than not.

It just bothers me. I wish that, instead of responding with, "Just wait 3 months..." she either didn't respond at all, or said something positive instead. Like my dear friend, Lori...who responded and said that she feels the same way about her husband after knowing one another for 13 years.

::stepping off of my soap box::


  1. I think it is admirable that you are one step ahead and doing what you can to maintain the great connection with your husband. I will keep this book in mind for the future. A book I have found solace in is The Five Love Languages, which I highly suggest.

  2. Part of the reason I posted that on your FB page was because I KNEW that girl's comment would annoy you, because it annoyed me. People are just jealous. I think a lot of people are unhappy, or married the wrong person. when you really, truly find someone who is your best friend and truly "completes" you, no matter how cheesey that sounds, you just "get" it. Until then, you are jaded and jealous of those who have it. I wish everyone could have what I have with Kurt. Does he piss me off and make me crazy sometimes? Heck yea. But, that's how ANY relationship works. Anyway, off my soapbox on your blog. haha.

  3. Hi! Thanks for leaving a note on my blog... I love the L&R book, and so does my hubby... yes he is reading it :) and puting it into pratice. It has been nive 'meeting' you I shall be sure to drop by your blog again! Have a wonderful evening!

  4. IDK, personally, I think men and women need and deserve love and respect in equal amounts. I do think our society and the bible create a culture where men are better at receiving respect and women are better at receiving love. But I think saying that that's the way it should is a sexist viewpoint and it is unfortunate that the bible perpetuates this myth. Thankfully there is enough psychological research to debunk it ... but people rarely ever read that stuff.

    I do think it's great that you have the best husband ever though and I hope that never changes. I also think your friends joke was somewhat disrespectful ... I'm sure she meant no harm. People say that kind of stuff all the time and, no matter how annoying, I think that's another strange phenomenon our culture creates and encourages. The important thing is that *you* respect (and love!) your husband.

  5. I hear ya. Once when I made it known that I absolutely love being married, someone said to me "ha! just wait 5 years!" I ignored her but it did bother me.

    People who make these comments are jealous...I know it sounds immature to make such a statement but I really don't see any other reason why someone makes an effort to bring someone else down.

  6. I commented that I liked this on facebook because it honestly made me smile. I wish you all the best and it is so nice to hear people that actually enjoy being married (and Lori too!)

    Reading your blog and knowing from afar somewhat of your past - I am truly happy for you and what you have now, and that is something to admire. it's very nice to see everyone's different perspectives and how relationships don't have to fit a specific mold!

    I'm definitely going to look into that book, especially having such a new relationship with my boy that makes me feel like you have described (though we are no where near marriage) - if it helps make us closer as a couple and stronger as individuals - I'm definitely interested!

  7. Some people are very uncomfortable in the glow of other people's happiness. It often highlights how their situation (marriage, job, parenting, accomplishments, etc.) aren't going so well.

    "Wait three months" is most likely her experience, and I find that to be incredibly sad.

    Shine on, darling! All marriage should be so blessed!


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