Monday, November 16, 2009

NaBloPoMo - Day 16

Disclaimer: The following is a negative, ranting post, composed by an emotionally fragile, mentally drained woman who is fighting with her husband and hasn't spoken to him in 20+ hours. If you are already put off by the disclaimer, I don't blame you one bit for not continuing to read the post below. And if you do continue reading, Bless You. Please remember that rarely, if ever, do I put negative posts up. Today, I need to.

Today, The Enemy is winning...

  1. Mr. Lukie and I are fighting. Is it considered fighting when you're completely ignoring one another? Because it's not like there is yelling or even bickering going on. It's pure Silent Treatment, on both sides. The reason we're fighting isn't dumb or minimal or silly. But the part that IS dumb is that I know the Silent Treatment kills both of us. Not only because he's now on shift until tomorrow morning & we won't see one another until I get home from Bible Study at 9:30 tomorrow night...but because we are both being too immature and too stubborn to make the first move toward reconciliation. +1 point for The Enemy.
  2. Driving home from work on Friday, the gas light came on in my car. I knew I had enough gas to make it home and figured I'd fill up over the weekend. Turns out, we didn't drive my car this weekend, so I forgot I needed gas. (Hey, it's really easy to forget about these things over the course of a weekend!) Hop in my car & start the trek to work this morning and realize that my stupid, dumb, stupid-stupid-dumb gas light is still on. Now I have to stop for gas & I'm already running late. A few curse words may or may not have slipped from my pretty little lips, and I said out loud to the contents of my car, "Well, if Mr. Lukie was chivalrous, he would have checked the gas in my car before Monday came & would have seen I needed gas & would have handled accordingly. But noooooo..." Umm. Now, while typing this, I realize my statement was out of line, but at the time, that is 100% what I truly felt. Only drove a bigger wedge between us (in my eyes). +1 point for The Enemy.
  3. Seeing a new OB/GYN on Wednesday and am REALLY excited about discussing a new form of birth control, doubling as pain management for my endometriosis. I get a phone call on my lunch break today from the OB/GYN office, informing me that, "Oh, bytheway, your appointment on Wednesday will need to be rescheduled. Doctor is out on maternity leave and will not return to the office until late January/early February. Would you like to wait to come in when she returns or would you like to see another Doctor?" Umm. This is for my Physical, which I was due for in September. I called in AUGUST to schedule with this Doctor. She had no availability until November. Fine. But to not inform me that she was pregnant & DUE in November? And had her C-Section scheduled two days before my appointment? I told the scheduler that I refuse to wait until January/February for my Physical, as I will then be 6 months late and, with all of the girl issues I have/had over the past few years, I REFUSE to wait that long! She reschedules me with another Doctor. Oh, but he can't see me until December. What?! I'm losing my patience and my cool. And I'm not so nice to this innocent scheduler who, really, probably had nothing to do with this entire mess. +1 point for The Enemy.
  4. A coworker came to me to tell me that there wasn't any toilet paper in either of the bathrooms. I emailed the Powers That Be to let them know that we needed toilet paper (there is A LOT of drama & tension in my office between owners, so toilet paper is under lock and key...yes, really). The response I received? "We are bringing in our own TP from home." Ummm...whothe-whatthe-huh?! Perhaps I'm overreacting because I'm already an absolute trainwreck today, but I REFUSE to bring in my own toilet paper, from home, paid for with my own money, in order to use the restroom at my place of employment. I don't know how much more I can handle, and I shot off a nasty response back via email which is SO out of character for me. +1 point for The Enemy.
With that being said, The Enemy has won today, with a score of 4-0. He has beat me down and caused me to feel poorly about myself as a wife, a human being, a patient, and an employee. And since I have allowed him to win today, I'm feeling like a failure as a Christian as well.

Can I just crawl back in bed and have a re-do of today? Because I know that, if given the chance, I would do every single thing differently today than I already did. Like, when Mr. Lukie asked me for a hug this morning, instead of grunting & pushing past him, like any 27-year old 12-year old would do, I would have stopped and allowed him to embrace me. I'm pretty sure that the rest of the day wouldn't have had such an affect on my mood or my (in)ability to deal with the other stuff going on around me.

13 comments:

  1. Yikes Sarah! That is quite the day. Here are my honest thoughts:
    1) people fight. it sucks, but now you have 24 hours to get your mind straight before you talk to him. And if you want to make up for the hug, drop some treats off at the fire station after work or tomorrow morning.

    2) Stand strong on the tp - that is beyond ridiculous.

    3) LOL about the gas - I'm sure he was so worried about the fight that he didn't think to check. It happens!

    4) You are not bad at any of these things - but you aren't perfect either. Never will be. Next time, when faced with similar situations, you will make them better. This I know is true.

    You know where to find me if you need to vent (I see you there on gchat!)

    love,
    Em

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  2. All that and you're not going to tell us what you're fighting about?

    I'm sure you'll be fine Sarah. Those are all mostly totally normal human things to to. (With the exception of expecting your husband to keep *your* car full of gas, but even you've figured that out now).

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  3. ohh Sarah reading this made me sad. I'm sorry that the enemy is winning today I've been there pretty recently. Keep your head up keep smiling and things will get better. I'm praying for you to have peace today and I hope you and Mr. Lukie make up.

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  4. I'm sorry dear. B and I tend to do the silent treatment when we argue about things, and by the time I am ready to be nice, he doesn't want to discuss the problem because "certainly you can't still be upset about that." Been there. Get your head clear before you see him tomorrow evening...and maybe a quick phone call to break the ice and say I love you couldn't hurt.

    Oh, and the TP thing is RIDICULOUS. I would have fired a nastygram back as well.

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  5. Don't ever forget how wonderful you are.

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  6. Sorry about your bad day, don't let this day suck out all of your joy love. I know sometimes it is really hard to get out of bed, but you are loved, God loves you, your hubby loves you (even when angry), and we bloggers love you! Let me know if you need anything and feel better soon.

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  7. :( Sorry you're having such a yucky day. But you know what..we've all been there. At least you KNOW how things could have been different. That's the first step towards reconciliation. I'm sure you and Mr. Lukie will make up in no time.

    But about the toliet paper issue...um, NOTHING is wrong with standing up about that. I've always had a problem being confrontational about something believing I was being "non-Christian". Being a Christian does not equate to being a doormat. I see absolutely nothing wrong with handling the situation the way you did [but then again..I am a feisty one ;) ]

    Praying for you, sister :)

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  8. Hugs Sarah

    You can't have a re-do of today, but you can make the next time you see Matt extra special to make up for the fight.

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  9. Im sorry, Sarah. I had a crappy day too, but nowhere near your day. :(. Hugs. Times two.

    and the tp thing at work is INSANE.

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  10. *Hugs* that does sound like a crappy day, but at least you get to go to sleep and have a new day tomorrow!

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  11. i hope that you are feeling better after that downright miserable day.

    I hate it when my firefighter and I are getting into it! Thankfully, there is much peace these days :)

    Toilet paper from home? Gimme a major break!

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  12. Oh geez. I hate it when the Enemy is winning the battle. Good thing we know that he loses the war! If you really were a failure of a Christian, you wouldn't like it. People who are failures as Christians don't feel convicted. It means the Savior is doing a little heart surgery. OUCH! But you'll be better for it. :)


    By the way, I totally understand TP wars. Maybe not at work, but in my old apartment, one of my roommates REFUSED to pay for TP, so two of us kept it hidden under our beds!

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