Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Wedded Wednesday - Wedding Vows

Wedded Wednesday is a collaboration
of married bloggers sharing their inspirations,
anecdotes, struggles and thoughts regarding

the amazing union of two separate people, as one.
Since we had married legally 4 months prior to the actual wedding and had already said the traditional vows then, we decided to write our own vows for the vow renewal in front of friends & family in August:

Mr. Lukie's Vows:
I love you, Mrs. Lukie, and I know that you love me. And because of this, I desire to be your husband. I prayed that God would lead me to you, and since we have been together, my life has been truly blessed. I have committed my life to you, and I promise to provide for you, protect you, care for you, and most of all, love you. I am yours, and you are mine, and together, with our faith in God, we have formed a family. Tonight, in front of our families and dearest friends, I pledge to you my life as a loving and faithful husband.

Mrs. Lukie's Vows:
I love you, Mr. Lukie, and I know that you love me. And because of this, I desire to be your wife. I prayed that God would lead me to His choice, and I am confident that His will has been done. I promise to you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, complete obedience and I promise to take care of you, always seeking to please you. God prepared me for you, and you for me. I will strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage you. Tonight, in front of our families and dearest friends, I pledge to you my life as an obedient and faithful wife.

The first question out of many of my friends & family members mouths were, "WHAT was with all of the obedience stuff in your vows?!" Obviously, these were not friends nor family members who know mine & Mr. Lukie's relationship all that well, but know me...the old me...very well. The me that refused to be dependent on anyone, for anything. The me that refused to be submissive to a man. The me that felt the need for control & all decision-making power. The me that wore the pants in every relationship I'd ever been in prior to Mr. Lukie.

Being obedient & submissive to your husband is Biblical, this I know. My relationships prior to Mr. Lukie were not Biblical. Let's be honest here, not a single one of them was Christ-centered, let alone involved Christ at all! And I know that to those of you who aren't "religious" (ugh, I don't like that term, used in that way, but I can't think of any other word to use!) find it impossibly difficult to imagine that any woman, in this day and age, would hold true to those outdated, sexist ways of women being treated in any way other than as equals. And I know. I've been there. I get it. Really, I do.

I vowed to be obedient and submissive to my husband. Submitting to my husband does not mean that I am his slave--or that I have any desire to do so ;) It means recognizing his role in the home, the role that God created for him (to be the leader, decision-maker, provider). It means putting my husband before myself or anyone else. It means trusting in him that he will not mislead me or mistreat me. That he will make decisions on behalf of our household that are in the best interest of each member of the family. That I trust him wholly and completely to do what is right and good. After all, this is what we, as Christians, are instructed to do in our relationship with God. And marriage is modeled on the relationship between Christ and the church.

And you know what? It is SO nice to know that I don't have to be so fiercely independent, controlling or wear the pants. Mr. Lukie still consults me on most decisions made in the house. He likes to hear my input, as it always gives him a new perspective on things. But I leave the ultimate decision-making up to him. So long as he continues to make decisions out of the goodwill of his heart, I will follow him wherever he leads me. Talk about a leap of faith for a girl like me!

But. It's nice to wear a skirt, for once :)


  1. This is super interesting Sarah. I have no problem being submissive to a partner when it is something that I am no good at handling or don't care to handle (managing my retirement finances, dealing with cars, making various decisions about things that I trust "him" more on because I don't have enough information). And I fully advocate taking care of your partner, caring for them in the best way you can, trusting each other to make good decisions, and vice versa.

    But I guess for me - I have built this life for myself. It is good because I have made it so. I'm hoping to meet someone who has done the same, and would hope that we can combine the two in a way that lets us each take on the roles we are good at and enjoy, while sharing the things that are less easy or joyful. Complementing each other, if you will. I wonder if that is the same thing you are feeling with Matt, or different? Granted I'm not coming from a biblical perspective, though I understand it. I do think that marriage requires giving up independence, and it does require the ability to depend on someone and to be dependable. But I don't think of it in a negative way - to me its more about sharing, easing your load, then about submitting to anyone in that feminist sense. Its a partnership, after all, and in a partnership people are (or should be) equals, but that doesn't mean that they take on the exact same role. Would love to hear your thoughts on this (if it makes any sense).

  2. what a great post! The hubs and I are still working to figure this one out. I grew up taking care of everyone and else and having a lot of responsibility so it's natural a lot of the times for me to sort of take charge and do it because often times I know how to do it and he hasn't had the experience yet. Thankfully it's something that we are both aware of and working together on. I have such a strong personality and he's naturally a peacemaker so it's up to me to be mindful of my actions!

  3. Em-
    Absolutely, that is the same thing I am feeling with Matt. He is good at being the provider--working, making the money, taking care of the "manly" things around the house. He does the yard work. He lights the pilot light in the winter. He handles the finances. I am good at being the caretaker--cleaning, cooking/baking, taking care of the "womanly" things around the house. We sit down & do our budget & discuss finances together, but overall, he makes the majority of the decisions on insurance services, etc.

    I've never felt comfortable enough with someone to 'allow' them to take care of me in that way. To handle the financial decisions. To provide for me, financially. That is big time, scary business in my world. That means being vulnerable and trusting! ::gasp:: What a concept! ;)

    So yes, I think that what you're saying is very much in line with how he & I do things, and I hope I clarified that a bit for you!

  4. I'm 100% with you, girl! The whole idea of "submissiveness" is sorely misunderstood by so many. What they don't understand is that being submissive in the right relationship leads to mutual respect, love and intimacy.

  5. I'm 100% with you, girl! The whole idea of "submissiveness" is sorely misunderstood by so many. What they don't understand is that being submissive in the right relationship leads to mutual respect, love and intimacy.

  6. I really enjoyed this post. Before my husband and I were married I struggled A LOT with the whole concept of being an obedient wife, and that's because I never really understood what that meant. I also neglected to acknowledge that God calls my husband to me love like He (Christ) loved the church...that's a HUGE responsibility.

    I think think it is great that Christ is at the center of your relationship...and clearly so important! (I think there is a reason why the one and only relationship you have had where Christ is at the center has worked out!)

  7. Awesome post! We had Ephesians 5 ready by our pastor in our ceremony. It's HARD, but I'm trying!

  8. I think one of the major breakdowns is that the general population doesn't really understand the "obedience" and "submit" verses. Hey, I didn't either for a long time

    Love & Respect was a GREAT book for clearing up what it really means to "submit", and why!


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