Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Wedded Wednesday - An Imperfect Marriage

Wedded Wednesday is a collaboration
of married bloggers sharing their inspirations,
anecdotes, struggles and thoughts regarding
the amazing union of two separate people, as one.

Now, I know you  may be shocked to hear this, but...Mr. Lukie and I have an Imperfect Marriage. I know, who would have thought such a thing existed, right?

I know that you know I'm kidding--while yes, I do brag about my wonderful hubby on a fairly frequent basis, I have also vented about our miscommunications, talked about the changes married life brings, and tatlled on myself for being a needy wife. Of course, there are plenty of other miscommunications (oh, who am I kidding...there has been at least one all-out screaming match, quite recently, even) that I don't talk about on here. Partly out of respect for Mr. Lukie, but mostly to save myself some embarrassment. I can get pretty ugly, guys.

I heard that marriage was "hard work." But I didn't quite understand what that meant. And really, how hard could marriage be? I would finally be living with my best friend! We would sleep in on Saturday mornings & lounge in bed all day, only getting up to make more coffee and grab another magazine to read, in between snuggle sessions, of course. Then, we'd mozy down to the local bistro around dinnertime, share a bottle of wine, seafood pasta and have a dreamy, romantic conversation about the future.

Ahem. I suppose I forgot to calculate when, exactly, the floors would be mopped, the furniture dusted, the laundry washed, folded & put away, the grocery shopping done, the dogs walked, the bills paid, the oil changed in the car, the garage cleaned out, the shower scrubbed, the trash taken out, the recycling sorted, and the yardwork done. WHILE sneaking in a snuggle session here and there.

Oh. And that whole 'learning curve' of living together. And joining finances. And really, truly facing "his" debt and "your" debt as "our" debt.

Then add in the battles thrown at you by The Enemy. Dodging & weaving those, in addition to the neverending list of "to do's" I already listed out, and you've got yourself a recipe Imperfect Marriage.

But guess what? Life is full of imperfect things, imperfect people and imperfect ideas. You've got to learn to roll with the punches. As imperfect as your husband may be, you are equally as imperfect. And it is when you both accept the imperfections in one another that true harmony can exist in your marriage. You stop being so judgmental. You stop setting expectations that are nearly impossible to be met. You stop getting feelings hurt and allowing tempers to flare. Accepting one another's faults--no matter how large or how small--and reveling in one another's differences are two huge keys in making an Imperfect Marriage as smooth as possible.

Mr. Lukie and I share the same dreams, the same goals, the same values and morals. We share the same desire to love one another and glorify God with our marriage. We have had the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Nothing, I'm sure, compared to what we will endure throughout the rest of our many, many years together. But knowing that we have done it before and are strong enough to do it again? Knowing that I get to experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows with my Best Friend? Well, that is a major factor in our motivation to make this marriage work, no matter how Imperfect it may be.

I pray that each of you are able to take your Imperfect Marriages and hand them over to God. To tell Him that you know you are an imperfect person, living in an imperfect world and that only by His grace and mercy are you here, living the life you life. That you made this covenant before God to glorify Him through this Imperfect Marriage.


  1. Amen sister!

    This sounds kind of silly, but I remember when it occurred to me that even when Justin was really ticking me off, in general, he was coming from a place of good-heartedness. It's not too often that he intentionally tries to be a pain. It's just that neither of us are perfect people. But sometimes in the heat of the moment, that gets lost!

  2. Great post! No marriage is perfect, and it's okay if there's conflict in a marriage - it's how you handle the conflict that matters!

  3. I like hearing this. I believe true passion between two individual(independent) people means there's bound to be a heated tiff here and there-- or full-on emotional scream-fest.
    I think it would be unhealthy to always agree and everything be roses and butterflies.

    Cheers to being normal and knowing to learn and grow from the imperfections :)

  4. I am so imperfect.firehubby...he is awesome, yet imperfect.

    What if we were too arrogant to admit this?

    It wouldn't be the wonderful marriage it is!

    Love this post.

  5. Thanks for this post, it was exactly what I needed to be reminded of today! Just found your blog and I love it!

  6. Good post! I think it took me almost 2 years to figure out that my husband wasn't the only imperfect one. Boy did I have a tough time getting to a point where I felt comfortable admitting that some of our problems were actually my fault too!

    Like you said, the only thing you can really do is hand everything over to God :)

  7. I have an imperfect marriage, too. There are days that I struggle and actually have to get on my face before God and ask Him how I am to deal with certian comments or situations. It is very hard work. It has been a huge refining process for me. I wouldn't be who I am without my hubby imperfections. I wouldn't have been drawn to God. I wouldn't have needed God so much and fallen in love with Him in a whole new way. He is my True Husband who can meet every need I have. What Steve does for me is the gravy. Great post! And you are welcome for the book. I wish I could have gotten my hubby to read it with me, but alas, he is just not the type to sit down and do devotions with me.

    You are doing well, Sara!

  8. Great post, I completely agree. My hubby and I have our problems too. We learned early on that if we were going to make this marriage work, we needed to learn how to argue effectively--to get the point across, get past the anger and calm down, and discuss the problem with respect for the other person. It's hard work!!


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