Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Wedded Wednesday - Marriage is Never Equal

Wedded Wednesday is a collaboration
of married bloggers sharing their inspirations,
anecdotes, struggles and thoughts regarding
the amazing union of two separate people, as one.

We had a discussion last night. I felt that my efforts around the household were going unnoticed. And guess what? He was feeling underappreciated. Who knew?

Over the past few months, I have felt this intense calling to serve my husband in every way that I possibly can, regardless of what I should, could, or would rather be doing. Now, don't get me wrong, I have always desired to serve him. But when I'm tired or have a huge 'to do' list, I allow those things to take over & I choose not to serve my husband, but to serve myself instead. {this isn't the first time I've been made aware of my selfishness--I'm fully aware!}

Marriage isn't equal. Sure, it's a nice thought that everything will be 50/50, all of the time. But the reality will rarely, if EVER, work out to be 50/50. The other reality is that each of you will most likely feel like you're doing more than you really are--it's human nature, after all. But stop. There is no point in keeping tabs. Who cares if it's 80/20 right now, and you're the one picking up the slack? Because sooner or later, it will be 80/20 and you will be the one slacking.

Be more grateful and less unfavorable. Be more thankful and less critical. Be more appreciative and less neglectful. Be more sacrificial and less selfish.

But mostly, remember that marriage is never equal.


  1. I've been married for 18 years and you are absolutely correct! Once people understand that it's not about keeping tabs and decide to stop being selfish, they may find that being married is actually a good thing.

  2. It sounds like you guys should read the Five Love Languages!! It perfectly addresses your situation, is very easy to read, and is written from a Christian perspective. I honestly think you would get a lot out of it!

  3. I was always taught that it's 100/100 in a marriage. Going along with that, it takes all I've got to give my 100 so I don't have any time to worry about his 100. So instead of focusing on matching our efforts and tasks, I've learned to focus on getting done what needs to be done. If I'm too tired or feeling overwhelmed, then I ask for help. We have definitely had times where I've felt overwhelmed and that I'm doing everything and as I look back on those times now, I regret fussing about it because I know how hurtful it is for my husband to hear me say he's doing nothing. It's a lot more effective in our marriage (with the personalities that we have) to build him up and encourage him. It's not his fault that we were raised differently! Anywayk, it has worked wonders! Too bad it took me so long to figure it out! :)

  4. Excellent reminder! It's true though -- things aren't usually 50/50, but there are plenty of times I slack this morning when hubby had to go downstairs 3 TIMES to get clean clothes out of the dryer and off the line because I hadn't brought them up and filled his drawers.../sigh\

  5. This is such a good point. Some of the best advice that I received prior to getting married was exactly this--that you can't go into marriage always expecting it to be 50/50. You always have to be willing to give 100, even if the other person is giving 0, because you better believe that at some point, YOU'RE going to be in a position where you're the one who is giving 0 (or close to it)!

  6. Great post! The reality is, we shouldn't be keeping score. And it is SO hard not to sometimes!! I like the commenter above who said marriage is 100/100. We should each give our all all the time. Thank you for the reminder!

  7. Very true! I am in a struggle with this right now!

  8. This philosophy will take you far my dear friend.

    We have gone through phases where one person has taken up the slack for the other. Then the tides will turn and the other will be doing more.

    I think that this thinking has mad for a terrific foundation for our marriage.

  9. My momma always said 50/50 would be fantastic, but you gotta give 100%, not matter what he does! And believe me, easier said than done! But you know what? When we give our all, not only does it give us such a sense of fulfillment and freedom and joy, but it often inspires them to give a little more too! :) Now if we could all just follow our own advice and the advice of others, we would all be happy! is a journey though, not a destination.

    Blessings to you this day!

  10. Boy, did I learn that lesson the hard way! You are so right.

    Have you been able to read the book I sent you?


  11. GREAT post! How true this is :) I am a new follower to your blog - love it! Come by mine sometime. We can learn together!

  12. So true. I'm trying to get as much of this wisdom is as I can before I marry this summer! Thanks for sharing! <3

    I really like your layout! I found you from Brittany and Far More Than Rubies.

    God bless! <3

  13. hey there!

    Stop by my blog when you get a chance :)

  14. Phew.....I am stuck with all this marriage stuff. Still a newlywed and be like dayum a lot is going on in such a short time.


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