Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Joy in the Unknown

It's been a rough week.

I found a 10-year-old journal of Mr. Lukie's while we were unpacking and read some things in it that hurt my heart, deeply. I shouldn't have read it, but I did, and that is now my cross to bear.

Then, I attempted to 'crash' the one and only class offered this summer (of the 3) that I need to get into Nursing school. I didn't get in. Something about the number of students in the classroom having to be in line with fire code--he just couldn't.

I've researched ALL of my options--taking a class at a private institution, driving to San Diego daily, other colleges in the area--and none of them have panned out. Not a single one. Which means that *MY* plans to get into Nursing school, to start in January 2011 will not happen.

So I spent the better part of...ohhhh...ALL DAY yesterday crying hysterically about it. Crying because *MY* plans aren't going to happen.

And then I had a wake up call. I can't attribute the wisdom I gleaned in that moment to anyone other than God. "My child, I haven't said 'No,' I've just said, 'Not now.'"

Can I just tell you how peaceful I felt with this knowledge? How my tears stopped flowing immediately and a newfound joy spread through my soul? I don't claim to understand His reasons why, but I recognize that I don't need to understand. I merely need to give it over to Him and remove the burden from myself, for I cannot handle it on my own.

Are you going through a season of life right now, questioning God on the WHY's and the NOT FAIR's? Are you pleading with him to just let things go YOUR way? Perhaps it's time to turn it over to Him, wholeheartedly. Let Him know that you recognize that He is the author and finisher of your faith, and that you will follow whatever path He places in front of your feet to follow.

It's difficult, I know. I struggled all day long yesterday, refusing to give it to Him. Refusing to acknowledge that He is the only one who can remove the pain from my heart and replace it with joy. Joy in the unknown can only be given through Christ, to be sure.

I feel that He is preparing me for something bigger, something more, during this time. I believe that this will be the beginning of a new season. Of what, I dare not anticipate, for I know that He will reveal His plan to me on His terms and in His time. 

7 comments:

  1. Thank you for posting this. I needed this reminder that it is God's plan, and He has as great plan. I spent the greater part of last night and this morning, crying and sulking in the "WHY'S..and NOT FAIRS!" ...and reading this post from you was just what I needed to get out of the pity party I was having.

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  2. I have no doubt that you are doing/will do great things in life! Hang in there!

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  3. Oh man. I have struggled with this often. Uncertainty is hard for me and I know its a trust issue. You are right to trust the Lord and have faith in his plan. I'm certain of one thing: that His plan will be a great one!

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  4. Hugs

    I needed that reminder myself for some things I am dealing with. I know you will land on both feet :)

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  5. Such a great reminder that God is in control and we have to just trust Him, even though it can be SO hard! Hugs friend!!! I know it's not always easy!

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  6. Hugs to you. I needed this reminder today.

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  7. Sometimes we have to be patient for that answer don't we. I will pray for you. As far as the husband's journal, that would be very painful. I know I would be curious, too. I wish I would have never asked my hubby about things in his past. Sometimes, Satan uses them to beat me up. I know it's easy to say, but try not to let him. Your husband is a new creation in Christ. Born again, a wonderful husband who obviously adores you. Forgive and love him, my friend.

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